TL;DR
Get comfort and recovery gear delivered free with Prime
- Fast, free delivery on millions of items
- Prime Video, Amazon Music and more included
- Member-only deals all year
In a personal essay published by Tiny Buddha, an autistic writer describes how years of trying to appear “normal” left him exhausted and disconnected from his own preferences. He says easing that effort helped him conserve energy and build more genuine relationships, though sensory overload and difficult days continue.
A writer describing himself as autistic says that easing years of effort to appear “normal” left him with more energy and helped improve some relationships. In a personal essay published by Tiny Buddha, he recounts how social masking — adjusting his behavior to meet others’ expectations — had become exhausting, and how making small changes helped him feel more at ease.
The writer says he learned early to study other people’s behavior after being teased for seeming different. He practiced eye contact, facial expressions and conversation, and says he could perform these social routines convincingly. But after ordinary interactions, he often went home feeling depleted. At the time, he did not have the word “masking” for what he was doing.
He describes a gradual decline in energy and interest: unanswered phone calls, canceled plans and dread about social events. He says he blamed himself and assumed he needed to try harder, even though the constant effort to manage how he appeared was contributing to the exhaustion. Because he seemed functional in public, he writes, others did not recognize how much strain he felt.
His changes were incremental. He stopped forcing eye contact that felt uncomfortable, allowed himself to fidget or rock, and began asking for quiet without apologizing. He says some friendships faded when he stopped performing, while others improved. He also began choosing quieter settings and smaller social gatherings, rather than trying to prove he could manage loud or crowded situations.
The essay offers a first-person account of how sustained efforts to fit social expectations can affect one person’s energy, relationships and sense of self. The writer’s experience is not evidence that every autistic person masks in the same way, or that reducing masking will have the same effects for everyone. It does show the distinction he draws between appearing comfortable in public and actually feeling comfortable.
His account also links personal choices with the environments people move through. He says bright lights and chaotic rooms can still cause sensory overload, but he now treats those reactions as information about his needs rather than proof that something is wrong with him. That perspective matters to readers considering how social pressure and surroundings can shape everyday participation and wellbeing.
Products Worth Considering
Roborock Q7 M5+ Robot Vacuum and Mop
Blueair Blue Pure 511i Max Air Purifier for Home and Bedroom
Blueair Blue Pure 211i Max Smart Air Purifier for Large Rooms
As an affiliate, we earn on qualifying purchases.
From Fitting In to Self-Acceptance
The writer says he grew up knowing he was different before he had language for being autistic. He describes watching peers to learn unwritten social rules and practicing behaviors he thought would make him more acceptable. In the essay, he uses “masking” to describe that effort to present a version of himself he believed others would accept.
He does not describe a single dramatic turning point or a cure. Instead, he says he gradually questioned whether he could continue performing indefinitely and began changing specific behaviors. His account focuses on his own experience, rather than presenting a clinical explanation or a general recommendation for autistic people.
““Trying harder was the whole problem.””
— The writer, in the Tiny Buddha essay
What One Essay Cannot Establish
The essay is a personal account, and it does not provide independent research, clinical assessment or evidence that the writer’s experience is typical. It does not say when he was diagnosed or whether he received professional support. The source also gives no publication date in the material provided.
The writer says some relationships changed and others improved, but does not identify people involved or quantify those changes. His description does not establish how reducing masking would affect other autistic people, who may face different needs, risks or social circumstances.
Small Changes, Ongoing Challenges
The essay closes by encouraging readers who recognize their own exhaustion to start with a small, unguarded behavior in a place they consider safe, rather than trying to change everything at once. That is the writer’s personal suggestion, not a tested intervention or a guarantee of a particular outcome.
He says difficult days and sensory overload remain part of his life. The source does not announce a follow-up report or further development. The next step for readers, if they choose to make changes, is left to their own circumstances and judgment.
Key Questions
What does the writer mean by masking?
He uses masking to describe adjusting or suppressing behaviors to appear more socially acceptable, including practicing eye contact, expressions and conversational habits.
What changes did he make?
He says he stopped forcing uncomfortable eye contact, allowed himself to fidget or rock, asked for quiet without apologizing and chose calmer social settings.
Did stopping masking resolve all of his difficulties?
No. He says he still has hard days and experiences sensory overload, including in bright or chaotic environments. He describes a change in how he interprets those experiences, not their disappearance.
Does the essay show that all autistic people should stop masking?
No. It documents one writer’s experience and does not establish that the same approach is appropriate or safe for everyone. People’s needs and circumstances differ.
Source: tinybuddha.com
