TL;DR
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In a Tiny Buddha essay, psychotherapist Steve Hauptman describes how pursuing control in one area can mean losing it in another. He writes that he is learning to see unfinished tasks and competing priorities as the cost of choices, rather than proof of failure.
Psychotherapist Steve Hauptman argues in a Tiny Buddha essay that people cannot meet every competing demand at once, and that trying to control one part of life can bring costs elsewhere. The personal account matters as a reflection on prioritization, not as evidence from a research study: Hauptman describes how he is learning to treat unfinished work and neglected chores as the consequences of choices rather than signs that he has failed.
Hauptman compares life’s competing demands to a Rubik’s Cube: concentrating on one side can leave others in disarray. He lists choices familiar from his own life, including working or spending time with family, doing chores or writing, and keeping up with professional reading or relaxing with a novel. His central observation is that he cannot do everything, so he is continually deciding what to prioritize.
He describes what he calls three paradoxes of control. In his account, needing more control can leave a person feeling less in control, attempts to control other people can prompt them to push back, and gaining control in one area can require giving it up elsewhere. These are Hauptman’s personal framework, illustrated with examples involving work, relationships, alcohol use and concealed feelings; the essay does not present them as clinical findings or report research testing the claims.
Hauptman says his perspective has shifted from treating a messy house or an unwritten book as proof of failure to seeing them as reminders that he chose something else. He recounts going to an emergency room after a routine physical produced a cardiogram reading that his doctor said could suggest a transient ischemic attack. While waiting for tests, he says, he canceled six client sessions and worried about his family and costs, but ultimately took a nap. The essay does not provide a diagnosis or further medical outcome.
The Cost of Competing Priorities
The essay speaks to readers who feel they should be able to satisfy work, family, health, finances and rest all at once. Hauptman’s point is not that responsibilities do not matter, but that every decision has an opportunity cost: time spent on one task is not available for another. Recognizing that tradeoff may change how a person interprets what remains unfinished.
That is a personal perspective rather than a tested prescription. Hauptman writes about his own experience and professional interests as a psychotherapist, but the source does not establish that accepting tradeoffs will resolve distress or improve outcomes for everyone. The account is most directly useful as a way to understand his shift from self-blame toward acceptance.
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A Personal Essay on Control
Tiny Buddha published the essay under the title When You Can’t Get Everything Right at Once. The supplied material does not state when it appeared. The piece is written in the first person and uses Hauptman’s experiences to explain his ideas about control, rather than reporting a new study, policy change or clinical guideline.
The source identifies Hauptman as a licensed clinical social worker and author of Monkeytraps: Why We Try to Control Everything and How We Can Stop, published in 2015, with a revised edition described as forthcoming. It says his writing explores control, emotional safety and relationships. No publication date for the essay or release date for the revised book is given in the supplied material.
““The one thing I can’t do is everything.””
— Steve Hauptman, in the Tiny Buddha essay
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What the Essay Does Not Establish
The piece is a personal account, not a report of clinical research. It does not provide evidence that the described “paradoxes” apply universally, or that accepting tradeoffs has a particular mental-health effect. Its examples illustrate Hauptman’s view; they should not be read as diagnoses of the people described.
The source also leaves the medical episode unresolved: it says a cardiogram showed a blip that suggested a possible TIA and that tests followed, but gives no test results or diagnosis. The supplied text does not give the essay’s publication date or confirm when the revised edition of Hauptman’s book will be released.
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No Further Milestone Listed
The source describes no scheduled follow-up, new study or official response tied to the essay. Readers seeking a clinical assessment of symptoms or concerns should consult a qualified health professional; Hauptman’s account is not a substitute for medical advice. The only future development mentioned is a revised edition of his book, which the source calls forthcoming but does not date.
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Key Questions
What is the essay’s main point?
Hauptman says people cannot meet every demand at once. He argues that choosing one priority often means giving up time or attention elsewhere, and that this need not mean a person has failed.
Who wrote the essay?
Steve Hauptman, identified by Tiny Buddha as a licensed clinical social worker and the author of Monkeytraps: Why We Try to Control Everything and How We Can Stop.
Does the essay report a study or clinical finding?
No. It presents Hauptman’s personal experiences and perspective. The supplied source does not cite research establishing his three paradoxes as clinical findings.
What happened during Hauptman’s emergency-room visit?
He says a cardiogram during a routine physical showed a blip his doctor said could suggest a transient ischemic attack. He went to the emergency room for tests, but the essay does not report a diagnosis or their results.
When was the essay published?
The source links to the Tiny Buddha essay but does not provide a publication date in the material supplied here.
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